HOF Post #8 – Chelsey Erin Valle

Chelsey Erin Valle 9/1/79 – 1/29/87

January 29th has always been a mixed bag of emotions for me.  It’s obviously been one of the most devastating days of my life, 20 years ago.  Personally, I’ve come full circle with my feelings.  Normally, it’s a day for me to be supportive of my mother and to accept the hundreds of faceless “I’m So Sorry” comments; Not to say it isn’t appreciated, but…well, you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve lost someone.  “I’m Sorry” is the instant response, be creative people. 

Now that I’m almost 25, I’m coming upon the time in my life when I need to look at the past and let it be a reflection of my future.  I can’t dwell on the mistakes or bumps along the road.  The need to accept what’s happened and learn from it has become infinitely more important than feeling sorry for myself.  But for some reason, dealing with Chelsey’s death is different this year.  All I can think about are the “What Ifs”.

I wonder how different my life would’ve been if I would’ve had someone to be a peer/role model.  I wish I could call someone who’s seen me trip, fall, pick myself, only to fall again and say they’re proud of me while having a true understanding of what I’ve been through.  I look at myself and think about how different I could be with just one person in my life.  It’s difficult to not have these thoughts enter your head when someone who was so important in your life was taken so long ago.

This is the spot where I thank everyone in my life for being who they are.  I know I’ve had this discussion with all of you before, especially Alan and Skaggs (usually while intoxicated).  But, a special thanks has to be extended to my parents.  Those of you who know Sue and Henry probably understand the importance they’ve had in my life, and some of yours.  I get my fiery passion, and most of my (now suppressed) anger from my mother.  I’d be such a boring person without her personality reflected on my own, she’s truly one of the most exciting people to be around.  She may not be as funny as the rest of us, but damn if she isn’t a beacon of light and just all around good times.  Dad, on the other hand.  Cool, calm, collected.  Tall, dark, handsome.  Successful, unwavering, all-around badass.  I feel like I’ve become a perfect meld of these two dynamic personalities, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

In retrospect, I can always sit back and say that the loss of Chelsey has helped mold me into the compassionate, personable, strong person that I’ve become.  But, it becomes increasingly more difficult to keep that point of view.  Especially when so many people have such important relationships with their older siblings.  I guess this just means I need to be the best person and hope my own siblings look up to me how I can only hope they will.

So, take from this what you will.  But the next time you talk to someone you care about, and it’s on a day of grieving; Find a way to show that you truly care.  Sure, we all know you’re sorry.  Nobody would dare think otherwise.  But we’re not looking for apologies.  We’re looking for support and if available, love.

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