I’m uncomfortable about this.

Thanks, Nicole, for this article. I now feel like wearing a chest plate during sex, which will totally take the sexiness out of it.

Arizona Woman Allegedly Stabs Estranged Husband During Sex

This is a whole new batch of crazy to discover. I can’t even fathom the amount of hated this bitch must’ve had for this poor sap. Although, you have to be a special level of douchebag to be banging a chick who might stab you at anytime. Let’s be realistic, we’ve all dated some crazy chicks in the past but avoided the stage where we might get stabbed during reverse cowgirl.

Here are a few incredible details in the Fox News report:

**Juan’s neighbor, Tony Ballard, has never had a naked man run into his house bleeding. Well shit, Tony, are you sure you haven’t been the basis of a Rob Zombie movie? Thank you, Captain Obvious.

**She was on top, reached into a bag and then stabbed him in his chest. Juan, my friend, you should’ve assumed you were in for a world of pain. Either she’s reaching for a big black dildo or a lighter/hairspray combo. What the fuck could possibly come out of that bag that would favor you in any way? An oversized check from Publishers Clearing House? You need to know your surroundings when banging crazy chicks. Exits, potential weapons, obvious clues leading to being stabbed in the chest…all of this should’ve been covered before actually pulling off your pants.

“She apologized first,” the neighbor told MyFOXPhoenix.com. “She said ‘Juan, I’m sorry about this.’”

**Excuse me? She apologized first? Come on, you had just got done getting your collective house appraised so that it could be sold as well as showing her papers for your divorce. You kind of had it coming. While I applaud you for at least getting some final stank on the hang down, I give you a D+ for preparation.

This brings a whole new meaning to the thought of protection during sex. /bad joke

Seriously, though. If you’re going to stab me at all, please wait until after the sex. I mean, it can’t take that much longer and you’re benefiting as well. Just go with the flow for a few more minutes seconds.