Pretentious Frattitude

You Can’t Fix Stupid

RV — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:40:26 +0000

I think the easiest way to encapsulate my life lately is to just simply say “You Can’t Fix Stupid”. I’ll expand on the idiots that I deal with as a customer base at a later time, because frankly these guys wouldn’t know the internet if it hit them upside the face. But what I will do, is get everyone excited for the upcoming best time of the year. College football starts in 27 days, and it’s time to plug a Rucker/Valle joint venture. Granted, I don’t have time to really contribute at this point, but it will be chock full of ridiculousness surrounding Notre Dame football. There might be a shade of professionalism hidden within those posts, but don’t take it too seriously. So, go visit the link and be active. Everyone knows how intense I can be from September to January, now it’s time for me to put my beautiful mind on paper. Enjoy.

overthepylon.blogspot.com

Note to ESPN re: WNBA

RV — Thu, 29 May 2008 01:58:30 +0000

Let’s talk about Starbucks and Mothers and a minor update

RV — Wed, 28 May 2008 01:53:43 +0000

Before I start this little rant, lets get the semantics out of the way. I’m employed. No lie, officially employed by a real company. I’ll be starting at cars.com as an account manager on June 3rd. Yes, it’s about time and embarrassing the amount of time it took me to put myself in a position to get my life back together. Thanks goes to all that supported me, and F off to all those who didn’t (you know who you are). For those who forgot how much fun I am when I have money; get prepared, because in 6-9 months I might be able to return the favors that have been given to me.

Next, congrats to Meghan on the graduation from high school on Friday. You’ve taken the last step towards having to be totally responsible. Enjoy it while it lasts, because responsibility sucks, especially when you’re bad at it like I am. Don’t worry, I’ll do everything in my power to help you avoid all the mistakes I made in the past. I know one thing, I can be a great big brother.

Also to be discussed, congrats to my cousin Sara on her upcoming nuptials. I’ll be updating on the whole family, as the Torrence/Valle clan will all be reuniting for the first time in many, many moons. It’s amazing to think about what Sara is going through right now with in anticipation of her wedding and moving to JAPAN for two years. God Bless in everything, Sara.

Now, on to Starbucks. I’ve had the unfortunate timing of getting my coffee at the exact time that the rich mothers of the Southport Corridor find it necessary to drag their kids into a tiny coffeehouse to annoy the shit out of me. I’ve grown up with siblings much younger than myself and I’m used to be around kids, so maybe its a combination of getting older and these kids not being related to me. BUT, the MO for my experiences at Starbucks lately have been littered with toddlers falling in front of me, stepping on my feet and just being loud and/or obnoxious. I’m young, I’m somewhat agile, but just because you feel it’s necessary to let your kids run wild while you discuss the pre-preschool that you’re trying to get your youngest enrolled in to the OTHER mom behind me who’s suffering from the same level of moronic disrespect for others as you are, does not mean I won’t accidentally put your kid into the cooler of crappy sandwiches and bottled water. Maybe I can blame this on Momma Valle, she was always super embarrassed anytime her kids acted like…well…kids, in public. So, I’m used to a higher level of respect coming from the parents of littles ones in public. Apologizing to me as your kid steps on me for the third time is not showing respect, in fact just thinking that its ok for your kid to annoy complete strangers as long as you apologize is even more disrespectful than your kid stomping on my toes. It’s just a matter of respect, people. Let’s work on manners at an early age so I don’t have to deal with this crap again when your kid has kids and lets them run around in some futuristic Starbucks in the future. Maybe at that point someone will figure out that Dunkin’ Donuts coffee is superior to Starbucks, which is a whole different subject that does not need to be broached at this point.

A final congrats go out to my buddy Dave who just got engaged. Seriously, you bastards are dropping like flies. Luckily, by time I finally get married, you will all be rich and able to afford to buy me expensive wedding presents.

Forced Perceptions from the Media and the NFL Draft

RV — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:56:52 +0000

The 2008 NFL Draft is quickly approaching, which means another year of the media outlets cramming insider misinformation on whatever the latest flavor of the year seems to be the biggest flop. This year, they will not be outdone.

Last year, Brady Quinn – for much of the year – was considered the top QB in the country. Along comes Jamarcus Russell and the 07 Sugar Bowl against Brady’s own Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Two first round draft picks at WR and a load of talent on both sides of the ball and Russell vaulted himself into the latest can’t miss prospect. This lead to Russell being drafted by the Oakland Raiders, based solely on his ability to throw the ball 60 yards while sitting down. Off in the distance, Brady Quinn possessed only the intangibles of being a gym rat, pocket presence and the biggest predictor to NFL QB success – college starts. Yes, I’m also extremely biased.

2008 is turning out to be no different, with a similar group of QBs. So, lets review the potential draftees and last years 1st rounders.

Player Completions Attempts Percentage Yards INTs TDs GS

Ryan 807 1347 59.9% 9,313 37 56 32

Henne 829 1387 59.8% 9,715 37 87 47

Russell 493 797 61.9% 6,625 21 52 29

Quinn 929 1602 58.0% 11,762 39 95 46

*Forgive the formatting

Matt Ryan, out of Boston College, is this year’s JaMarcus Russell. Granted, Ryan probably had the least amount of talent around him, but I still find it hard to believe that Henne is considered by some to be a late 2nd round or even a 2nd day pick while Ryan is a top 3 pick, despite his TD-INT ratio looking extremely average. It’s rare that I’d try and give support to a Michigan guy, and I really don’t like Henne, but he’s IMO the best QB for any of the teams that need a quick fix at QB position. I don’t understand what Oakland was doing last year. You need help right away, and you know you’re going to play him right away, what is the point of picking up a guy who’s going to need at least 3 years before he will have matched his potential. Miami passed on Brady last year, going for flash-in-the-pan Teddy Ginn Jr, it’ll be interesting to see if they choose to go with Henne and his pro-ready game to replace the slow to develop John Beck. I’m not even going to touch on Brian Brohm, who last year was a top 10 QB, but decided to stay and watch his coach pull his legs out from under him. Now? He’s barely on draft boards in the first day.

There certainly isn’t a single answer to having a successful draft, but it seems that teams make the same mistakes over and over again. Despite having unlimited resources, the media (namely ESPN) has too much of a hand in changing the public perception.

2008 Masters at Augusta National and Crappy Athletes

RV — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:32:53 +0000

Ahh yes, the Masters tournament. It’s always one of my favorite weeks of the year, because it normally means spring is in full force (not this year) and its time for one of the most enjoyable sporting events, at least for me. I found it interesting that yesterday, as I switched between a UEFA Champions League game (soccer/football for the uninformed) and the Par 3 tournament at Augusta, that I’m a rare breed of sports fan. I could sit and watch soccer or golf for hours beyond what a normal person would tolerate. I’ve never found golf to be boring to watch, mainly because of the mystique behind how ridiculously talented these guys are at what they do best, with soccer being a close second behind it in talent.

I find both sports much more enjoyable to watch than basketball, with the likes of multi-millionaires not being able to make ‘free’ throws on a regular basis. Is there any doubt that professional basketball has the highest waste of talent per dollar than any other sport? Recently there was a conversation about Shaq not being able to hit free throws consistently, which was quickly attributed to the sheer size of the manster. But my biggest gripe with the NBA is Bron-Bron. Arguably the most unbelievable athlete that sucks at his chosen sport. I’ve long said that Lebron would be as successful as a TE or at 1B as he is at the 2 he plays now. Lets look at a key stat with a control, free throws.

Lebron – Career .730 FT% Michael Jordan – .835 FT% Kobe Bryant – .839 FT%

Whats wrong with this picture? You stand the same distance shooting the same size ball into the same size hoop since you were as young as possible. I just don’t get it, nor will I ever. In the mean time, I’ll continue to watch the ‘beautiful game’ and the most mentally exhausting game while the rest of america is enthralled by spoiled athletes and cars that turn left and go fast.

Knee Update

RV — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:17:28 +0000

Well, it appears that last Tuesday I did some brand new damage to my 3rd world cybernetic knee. First diagnosis is a subluxation or dislocation of the knee. I wonder how much more painful this would’ve been if I didn’t already have major surgery down in that area. Good news, it’s probably not a torn ACL or meniscus. Bad news, it’s a partially dislocated knee. Also bad news, not sure what kind of insurance is going to be taking care of this, unfortunately my current place of employment isn’t being very helpful in moving things along with workers comp insurance. I’m honestly a few steps away from being on the streets. As I’ve said before, I’m extremely lucky to be surrounded by the people who have supported me.

Best case scenario…I find a job that’ll pay me decently, and will keep me off my feet. I get the ball rolling on going back to school, and I start to take steps in the right direction.

Worst case scenario…I move back home to Toledo and have to live that life for as long as possible before I can get it all back together. Yikes…

So, there you have it. Hopefully I’ll find a job where I’m appreciated that’ll be the next step in the greatness that will become of me.

21 years does not make anything easier

RV — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:18:16 +0000

I’ll spare everyone the attempt at writing something meaningful, instead just catch up on last year’s sentiments.

http://silveroakcab.wordpress.com/2007/02/23/hof-post-8-chelsey-erin-valle/

Text after the jump…

HOF Post #8 – Chelsey Erin Valle

February 23, 2007 · No Comments

Chelsey Erin Valle 9/1/79 – 1/29/87

January 29th has always been a mixed bag of emotions for me. It’s obviously been one of the most devastating days of my life, 20 years ago. Personally, I’ve come full circle with my feelings. Normally, it’s a day for me to be supportive of my mother and to accept the hundreds of faceless “I’m So Sorry” comments; Not to say it isn’t appreciated, but…well, you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve lost someone. “I’m Sorry” is the instant response, be creative people.

Now that I’m almost 25, I’m coming upon the time in my life when I need to look at the past and let it be a reflection of my future. I can’t dwell on the mistakes or bumps along the road. The need to accept what’s happened and learn from it has become infinitely more important than feeling sorry for myself. But for some reason, dealing with Chelsey’s death is different this year. All I can think about are the “What Ifs”.

I wonder how different my life would’ve been if I would’ve had someone to be a peer/role model. I wish I could call someone who’s seen me trip, fall, pick myself, only to fall again and say they’re proud of me while having a true understanding of what I’ve been through. I look at myself and think about how different I could be with just one person in my life. It’s difficult to not have these thoughts enter your head when someone who was so important in your life was taken so long ago.

This is the spot where I thank everyone in my life for being who they are. I know I’ve had this discussion with all of you before, especially Alan and Skaggs (usually while intoxicated). But, a special thanks has to be extended to my parents. Those of you who know Sue and Henry probably understand the importance they’ve had in my life, and some of yours. I get my fiery passion, and most of my (now suppressed) anger from my mother. I’d be such a boring person without her personality reflected on my own, she’s truly one of the most exciting people to be around. She may not be as funny as the rest of us, but damn if she isn’t a beacon of light and just all around good times. Dad, on the other hand. Cool, calm, collected. Tall, dark, handsome. Successful, unwavering, all-around badass. I feel like I’ve become a perfect meld of these two dynamic personalities, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

In retrospect, I can always sit back and say that the loss of Chelsey has helped mold me into the compassionate, personable, strong person that I’ve become. But, it becomes increasingly more difficult to keep that point of view. Especially when so many people have such important relationships with their older siblings. I guess this just means I need to be the best person and hope my own siblings look up to me how I can only hope they will.

So, take from this what you will. But the next time you talk to someone you care about, and it’s on a day of grieving; Find a way to show that you truly care. Sure, we all know you’re sorry. Nobody would dare think otherwise. But we’re not looking for apologies. We’re looking for support and if available, love.

Hypocrisy and the Holiday Season

RV — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 19:52:06 +0000

~~Merry Christmas~~ ~~Happy Holidays~~ Enjoy your non-denominational celebratory event.

It’s gotten to the point that I need a background check to keep from saying offensive things to people that I’ve just met. The ~~Christmas season~~ ~~holiday season~~ month of December is normally a time where the air is filled with the joy and love that isn’t normally evident the rest of the year. Unfortunately, some people seem to enjoy making it a point to bring people with with the hypocrisy that America is not a Christian dominated environment. I’m speaking to you, Mr. I Get Offended At Merry Christmas. People of all religions seem to be offended at the fleeting comment that would speak of another religions upcoming celebration. What I feel people fail to realize is that when someone says “Merry Christmas” to someone that celebrates Kwanza, they’re not demanding a donation to their God of choice. Personally, I don’t say Merry Christmas to the Christian driving that car that almost hit me, it’s not a matter of religion. It’s a matter of wanting to share a special time (religious or not) with someone you feel deserves it.

So, people, get over yourselves. The next person to get offended at a Merry Christmas comment is going to get a Menorah shoved up their ass. And look at the bottom.

This guy has some good points.

And Merry Christmas,

Love and Roses,

~RV

The State of Pretentious Frattitude

RV — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:39:24 +0000

I apologize to all of you who’ve been expecting some of the fantastic writing that I’ve produced on this blog in the past. Life got in the way, and still gets in the way. Unfortunately my life doesn’t seem to produce the same interesting situations and opinions that it did in the past, so I’ll just have to lie and pretend like I get myself into precarious positions or have opinions all of my own. Be patient, it’ll come back eventually.

Updates from my world:

Notre Dame sucks.

The Browns are looking like a potential playoff team.

I’ve yet again learned that I suck at relationships and should stick to one-night stands.

Being unemployed is not nearly as cool as it seems, it’s fucking depressing.

I miss being smart and being surrounded by smart people.

I’m an interesting combo of mid-western asshole and southern gentlemen. Take that however you want, it’s unique and slightly disturbing at the same time.

**expect some more writing in the future if I find the time. Get it, because I have all the time in the world? I’m rusty, sorry.**

I’m uncomfortable about this.

RV — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 17:33:22 +0000

Thanks, Nicole, for this article. I now feel like wearing a chest plate during sex, which will totally take the sexiness out of it.

Arizona Woman Allegedly Stabs Estranged Husband During Sex

This is a whole new batch of crazy to discover. I can’t even fathom the amount of hated this bitch must’ve had for this poor sap. Although, you have to be a special level of douchebag to be banging a chick who might stab you at anytime. Let’s be realistic, we’ve all dated some crazy chicks in the past but avoided the stage where we might get stabbed during reverse cowgirl.

Here are a few incredible details in the Fox News report:

**Juan’s neighbor, Tony Ballard, has never had a naked man run into his house bleeding. Well shit, Tony, are you sure you haven’t been the basis of a Rob Zombie movie? Thank you, Captain Obvious.

**She was on top, reached into a bag and then stabbed him in his chest. Juan, my friend, you should’ve assumed you were in for a world of pain. Either she’s reaching for a big black dildo or a lighter/hairspray combo. What the fuck could possibly come out of that bag that would favor you in any way? An oversized check from Publishers Clearing House? You need to know your surroundings when banging crazy chicks. Exits, potential weapons, obvious clues leading to being stabbed in the chest…all of this should’ve been covered before actually pulling off your pants.

“She apologized first,” the neighbor told MyFOXPhoenix.com. “She said ‘Juan, I’m sorry about this.’”

**Excuse me? She apologized first? Come on, you had just got done getting your collective house appraised so that it could be sold as well as showing her papers for your divorce. You kind of had it coming. While I applaud you for at least getting some final stank on the hang down, I give you a D+ for preparation.

This brings a whole new meaning to the thought of protection during sex. /bad joke

Seriously, though. If you’re going to stab me at all, please wait until after the sex. I mean, it can’t take that much longer and you’re benefiting as well. Just go with the flow for a few more ~~minutes~~ seconds.